It's So All Right!
by Minuit
Summary: Yet another "Evil-force-more-powerful-than-Arago" has come to attack the Troopers, but this one commands the only thing that may actually hurt them - fanfiction writers. Finished...?
1. Good Luck and Goodbye

Wow, it's lovely disclaimer/author notes time! I don't own any of this. Heck, even the title and subtitles are Duo Maxwell songs from Gundam Wing. Anyway, the characters are real people, and I have permission to write them into this. Wanna check out their stuff?

Lady Sekmet – http://www.fanfiction.net/profile.php?userid=51911

Bleumoon – Fan, but not a fanfiction writer

Venka le fay – http://www.fanfiction.net/profile.php?userid=31194

Aqua – no YST/RW fanfiction

Sakura – She's the only one who isn't a real person. *cough* I got impatient.

__

It's So All Right!

~Good Luck and Goodbye

In a small dark room, a teenage girl sat staring at a computer screen. The computer was, in fact, the only light source in the room. The rest of the furnishings – a dresser, a bed, piles of taped-off Samurai Troopers and Ronin Warriors – looked eerie in the mild glow. The girl simply sat, oblivious to all, blinking at the screen. Word was pulled up, white and clean and simply begging to be written on. She put one hand on the keyboard and idly pressed a few keys.

"ttyhuhgpi89." She studied it for a moment, frowning in concentration. "Not the best opening line I've ever written…" she sighed, hitting the delete key. Writer's block was of the devil, she decided irritably. She bit down on a stick of Pocky and went back to staring at the screen. It had been weeks since she last updated, and she had promised one of her friends that the next chapter in her Samurai Troopers epic would be done by New Year's Day. It was now December 30th, and she had yet to write a single word. She had suddenly lost interest in her planned storyline, but couldn't come up with anything else. 

She turned away from the computer, blinking in the sudden darkness. When had the sun gone down? She looked at the clock. Midnight. A while ago, she guessed. Sighing again, she plopped down on the bed, burying her face in the pillow. "I HATE deadlines," was the muffled comment.

__

Sakura.

The girl, now fortunately with a name, lifted her head, pushed her messy bangs out of her eyes, and looked around. "What do you want?" Noticing that there was no one in the room beside herself, another (less muffled) groan escaped her. "The only thing worse than having the voices in your head be audible is talking back to them."

__

Sakura.

"Go. Away. You don't exist and I'm not that insane yet. Gimme another month and come back then," Sakura mumbled, dropping her head back to the pillow.

Oh, but I do exist, Sakura.

"You've established the fact that you know my name. I don't need to hear it every sentence."

You seem to be very fond of the Samurai Troopers, aren't you, Sakura?

Finally giving in to the distraction that insisted on repeating her name needlessly, Sakura sat up. "Your voice is coming from the computer. I'm guessing that you can see my bookmarks and picture files. In that case, that question is stupid enough that I don't have to answer it."

__

Would you like to be able to meet them, Sakura?

Sakura blinked and tried to make some sense out of the situation. A disembodied voice from her computer – a very low, rich, feminine voice – was offering her the chance to meet two-dimensional anime characters. Great. There was only one logical explanation she could think of. "Is this because I ate the school lunch this afternoon? I KNEW they put hallucinogens in there!"

A pause ensued. Finally the voice seemed to recover itself. _Sakura, I can give you power. I can give you fame. I can give you any Trooper you wish._

Sakura was now officially getting disturbed. It would be a dream come true to meet the Troopers, but somehow she knew there was a catch. This all sounded quite familiar. "Isn't that how Arago tricked the MaSho into working for him?"

__

And what's wrong with the MaSho?

Sakura thought a moment. "Absolutely nothing."

__

Then do you agree to come with me, Sakura?

Sakura shrugged. She was all in favor of a legit distraction. "Eh, why not?" She gasped as her body began to glow with a startling pink aura. The glow intensified, then wrapped in upon itself until what was once Sakura was a small ball of glowing energy. It hovered in midair for a moment, then shot into the computer.

**************************

Far away from reality, another teenage girl sat, although her surroundings were rather different. As far as the eye could see in any direction, everything was a gray-black color. If there were walls one couldn't tell. The only things visible were an elegant chair, the girl lounging in the chair, and four pulsing balls of colored energy hovering over her. A pink ball suddenly came hurtling towards them to join the rest. The girl looked at it, then smiled very slowly and rather evilly, in the tradition of all antagonists. You know.

**************************

"Byakuen, get _back_ here!" The call reverberated through the tall buildings as the person screaming, the boy known as Sanada Ryo, ran through the alleys and streets of Shinjuku, trying to find the fleeing tiger. He turned the corner of yet another alley and ran full-speed into a blue-haired boy. "Touma, watch out!"

"You ran into ME," Touma pointed out. 

"You're right, sorry. Have you seen Byakuen yet?"

"Not for about fifteen minutes. When do we have to be there?"

"Four hours – no, three now. Think we'll make it?"

Touma shrugged. "I told you not to let him know he had a veterinary appointment today."

Ryo growled. "I knew he was smart, but I didn't think he was devious enough to let us bring him into the city before throwing his fit. We'll never find him here."

Touma grinned, then hurriedly composed his face before Ryo saw it. "He was smart enough to separate us all, too. I lost Seiji after Byakuen tricked us. I think the same thing must have happened to Shin and Nasuti."

As if in response, Nasuti skipped by the two downed boys, singing happily. "Catch you catch you catch me catch me matte!"

Touma sweatdropped. Ryo pounded his head against the sidewalk. "She's on a sugar rush _now_?" he complained between poundings.

Shin came running towards them, skidding to a halt. "Did I just hear the _Card Captor Sakura _theme song?" The two nodded wordlessly. Shin grinned. "Which way?" 

Touma pointed to the left. 

"Thanks!" Shin ran off again, singing as well. "It's so all right! Maybe too right!"

This time Touma joined Ryo in pounding his head against the sidewalk. Seiji found them that way a few minutes later.

Ryo lifted his head wearily to see Seiji standing in front of them with an amused, somewhat disbelieving expression on his face. "Why didn't Byakuen separate them _before_ they found a candy store?" Touma asked, also looking up.

"You would probably prefer not to see Shu just now, in that case. I believe he was with them while they purchased the snacks. From what I've seen, he is currently singing Midnight Party and practicing Sailormoon movements while searching for Byakuen," Seiji commented as he pulled Ryo and Touma to their feet.

"Tell me again why we all came on this trip?" Touma grumbled. A sudden flare of light prevented his getting a response. "What the–" he was cut off as an explosion reached their ears. In a moment they were subarmored and running towards the origin of the noise.

Eventually, the three made their way to the outskirts of the city, following the sounds of the explosions. Along the way they picked up Shin, Nasuti, and Shu, all of whom who had calmed down considerably with the possibility of a fight (though Nasuti was still humming under her breath from time to time). They stopped at the odd sight of a laptop computer sitting alone and unattended in the middle of an empty field.

"Umm… why?" Shin asked, looking at it quizzically.

"I guess we shouldn't touch it. Maybe we should just blow it up?" Ryo asked hesitantly. "It's probably what's been making the explosions."

Nasuti shook her head. "It's an expensive piece of equipment. Besides, how could a laptop be causing explosions like the ones we've been hearing?"

That question was answered when an extremely loud explosion sent everyone to the ground, covering their ears with their hands in an attempt to block out the noise. After a moment, the sound stopped. When nothing happened, they all stood up shakily. Aside from a bit of temporary deafness, they were all perfectly fine. Well, okay, five of them were perfectly fine. Touma had hit his nose when he ducked, and he was currently rubbing it and looking cutely pathetic. As their hearing gradually came back, the six gathered in a circle and began to discuss the implications of explosions that didn't blow anything up. In the heat of the debate, they didn't notice the five armored figures now standing in front of the laptop, grinning proudly and evilly.

"Do you think it's the Youjakai?"

"No, I don't think they have computers."

"Terrorists?"

"Why would it just be the sound of an explosion and not the actual thing, though? It's dumb."

"A warning?"

"But they could have done some serious damage today! We weren't prepared!"

The five armored figures looked at each other. One with raven-colored bangs poking out from under her helmet stepped forward. Her golden armor glistened in the sunlight. "Hi! My name's Venka, and these are my friends. We're the ones who lured you here with these explosions!"

She got a stunning lack of response.

"I still think it's the Youjakai. Who else EVER attacks us?"

"Forgetting Shikaisen?"

"Oh, yeah. But that was New York."

"Los Angeles."

Venka looked to her companions. They all shrugged and indicated for her to try again. "Excuse me, guys? We're the ones who made the explosions. See, we recorded them on the computer and set it to go off so you'd come investigate." She sweatdropped. "It's not that hard to follow!"

"Listen to me once in a while! The Youjakai isn't going to program a computer with fake explosions!"

"Shikaisen might."

"We killed him!"

"We killed Arago the first time too."

"May we please stop discussing Shikaisen?"

"Aw, quit being so sensitive about it."

"Hey, he has a right to be. His yoroi did kinda kill a bunch of people."

"Your tact is astounding."

"Actually, I don't wanna talk about Shikaisen anymore either."

"Ooh, that's right. Luna."

Another one of the warriors stepped forward. She had aquamarine curls that extended slightly past her helmet, and her yoroi was silver in color. "Hey, you guys! Pay attention to us! We're trying to fight with you!"

"You know, it's been three months. You're going to have to move on sometime!"

"This isn't a good time for a psychoanalysis!"

"…what _were_ we talking about before?"

The computer chose that moment to give off another ear-splitting explosion.

After everyone had gotten back up off the ground and regained their hearing and Nasuti had gone through her purse to find a bandage for Touma's twice-abused nose, the Troopers finally noticed the five female warriors before them. They had all surrounded the laptop and were trying frantically to turn off the sound. Apparently, none of them were especially gifted with computers.

"Hey, you must be the ones who set those explosions off!" Ryo shouted in a stunning burst of insight.

"Are you working for the Youjakai?" Touma asked, transforming in a flurry of petals and drawing an arrow, pointing it at the five.

"Or Shikaisen?" Shu asked curiously.

"Would you get off Shikaisen already?" Ryo snapped. Seiji nodded agreement.

"Uh, guys? They're not paying attention." Shin pointed out. Indeed, the girls were busy panicking as they tried to shut off the volume.

"I didn't program this thing!"

"You have to have used one before!"

"With SPEAKERS! Nice speakers with really big volume control dials!"

"Hit the start menu again."

"I have a better idea." The one with pink hair spilling out the back of her helmet, a shade lighter than her pink armor, looked over at the slightly put-out Troopers. "Hiya! I'm Sakura! Can I borrow one of your weapons?"

Five irritated, bewildered Troopers looked at each other and shrugged. "Um, sure, I guess." Touma tossed the arrow he had been aiming over to her. Sakura tried to catch it gracefully, but it ended up falling at her feet. Sighing, she picked it up and brought it over to the others.

"Hurry!" one of her friends called, sounding even more panicky than before, if possible. "It's going to go off again!" Touma covered his nose protectively and whimpered softly. 

The pink-haired girl looked at the arrow in her hand, then at the laptop. She quickly shoved it through the computer screen. Sparks flew for a second, but the machine died a quiet death without too much fuss. Sakura pulled the arrow from the remnants of the computer and tried to toss it back to Touma, but it dissipated into energy halfway there. "Oh, well. Thanks a lot!" she chirped.

The Troopers stared at the wrecked equipment. "I told you we should have just destroyed it in the first place," Ryo finally said to Nasuti, who pouted. 

Shu looked slightly irritated again. "_Now_ will you tell us what's going on?"

"We already did!" wailed Venka. Behind her, Sakura was sweatdropping while the silver-armored girl was hitting herself in the head.

The Troopers looked at each other, puzzled. "When?" Nasuti asked curiously.

"Oh, never mind," Sakura sighed. "We programmed that to lure you out into the open so we can capture you."

Shin blinked. "You're very honest, aren't you?"

"Well, what else did you expect me to say? It's what we're gonna do…" The other four nodded proudly.

Seiji studied them for a moment. "The four of you have not been the recipients of a great deal of formal training in the art of strategy, I assume?"

One in shiny lavender armor who had not spoken before piped in. "Nope! We're all new at this!"

The Troopers sweatdropped. Nasuti checked her watch. "Look, Byakuen's going to be late for his appointment if we waste all this time. I'm going to go back to Shinjuku and try to catch him, since I'm obviously not going to have anything to do aside from get captured if I wait around here, okay?"

Ryo nodded assent. "That's great, Nasuti. Thanks." Nasuti waved it off, then turned and walked towards the city. The Troopers were left to face off against their new opponents.

The two teams looked at each other for a few moments, then all of a sudden the five girls began a squealing, shrieking fit. The Troopers covered their ears yet again, but refrained from hitting the ground. They gave each other looks clearly asking "What the...?"

"I can't believe it, I can't believe it! They're HERE!" the bronze-armored girl giggled.

"We really get to play with anime characters! Does this mean…? Kenshin, my love! And Vash! But I'd have to leave the Troopers, and Seiji is so cute… and Shin…" The silver-armored, aquamarine-haired girl sighed happily. "So many bishies!"

"Aqua, forget Kenshin! These guys are here _now_! We should take advantage of the situation," Venka smirked mischievously, causing the five boys to sweatdrop and begin to back away slowly.

"Speaking of the situation…" Touma stopped backing away for a moment. "Would you mind telling us exactly why you want our yoroi _this_ time?"

The girls all looked up, startled. "We don't want your _yoroi_, silly!" Aqua laughed, twirling a sea-colored curl around one finger.

"Then… what was the point of all this?" Shin asked inquisitively.

The girl who thus far had been nameless and descriptionless decided that she was going to get some airtime. "We want _you_, of course!" she smiled, removing her lavender helmet to reveal shoulder-length blue hair beneath.

The clueless Troopers looked at each other, then at the girls again.

Sakura sighed in annoyance. "We're fanfiction writers."

This also took a few seconds to sink through the cute-but-dumb Troopers' heads. When it did, they all gasped in horror and looked to their leader for, well, leadership. Ryo swallowed and asked, "You guys remember what to do?" The rest nodded. "Then do it!"

At that, the five boys turned and fled.

Venka smirked. "Now comes the fun part, right?"

Sakura nodded. "Rock paper scissors?"

"Rock paper scissors."

************************

"What are we gonna do?" Shu asked. The Troopers had run until they felt they would have a little breathing time, then all collapsed on the ground. "If they get us, we'll probably get scarred for life!"

"I agree. However, unless we can come up with an actual plan, our chances aren't especially high," Seiji added, looking rather miserable.

Touma sighed, poking a stick into the ground. He banished Tenku and sat in his subarmor with the rest of them. "I hate to say it, but I think we're going to have to split up."

"We're gonna die, we're gonna die," Shu sang tunelessly.

Shin rolled his eyes. "They're just fanfiction writers! Sure they have really frightening powers and love putting us through angst and torture and occasionally killing us off, but we can handle it!"

Shu looked at him. Touma poked Shu with the stick.

Shin sighed. "They're just teenage girls!"

Shu looked at him. Touma poked Shu with the stick again.

Shin sighed again. "You're right; we're going to die."

"Stop it, both of you!" Ryo snapped. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Sorry. Okay, I agree with Touma. If we split up, they can only send one after each of us at a time. That way, if even one escapes, he can go back to help the others."

Touma poked Shu with his stick for the third time. Shu told Touma exactly what he was going to do to Touma with the stick if Touma didn't stop poking him with it. Seiji confiscated the stick, since what Shu threatened was rather unpleasant and quite anatomically incorrect. Knowing Shu, he would carry it out anyway.

Shin watched the little drama, amused. "Come on guys," he said finally. "Ryo's right. We'd better get going." Getting up, they wished each other good luck, then each walked off in a different direction.

************************

Ryo went north, towards the city. He didn't actually expect that the girls would let him make it there, and he was quite correct. After about fifteen minutes, he came across Aqua sitting cross-legged on the ground, silver helmet sitting beside her and a laptop, well, in her lap. She looked up, narrowing her eyes. 

"You."

Ryo blinked, confused. Wasn't this the girl who had been squealing about getting to meet them earlier?

As if reading his mind, she glared at him. "We played 'rock paper scissors' to find out who went after which Trooper. I _wanted_ Seiji."

Ryo sighed. "So does every other girl in Japan. Why do you all like him so much, anyway?"

Aqua puzzled over it for a moment, then shrugged. "I think it's the hair. You're kinda cute, though, so I guess you'll do. Anyway, I have to give you the obligatory chance to surrender which I know perfectly well that you aren't going to take."

"Thanks." He sweatdropped. "And I have to give the obligatory clichéd speech about how I'll never serve you."

"I don't want you to serve me; I want you to make out with me."

Ryo blinked again. "I don't think I have a clichéd response to that one."

Aqua's eyes lit up. "Does that mean it's a yes?"

"Afraid not."

She pouted. "You're no fun at all. But I guess that means that I get to use my nifty new powers to subdue you!" The girl brightened considerably.

Ryo thought back to the "skill" they had displayed before. Maybe this wasn't going to be as bad as they had originally thought. "Okay, go ahead and make your speech."

Aqua got to her feet and drew herself up to her full height – a head shorter than Ryo. "I am an otaku whose dream has become reality! The new generation of MaSho, whose evil – or maybe just a little twisted – armor will take over the Samurai Troopers and force them to be in our fics for all eternity! I am the soldier bearing the Armor of OOC-ness!"

Ryo thought for a moment. "I thought this was a YST fanfic."

Aqua looked put out. "None of us can say our yoroi name in Japanese, so we figured it was better to go American-style on the whole thing."

"Fair enough. Armor of OOC-ness?"

She blushed. "Actually, the full name is 'Armor of Wildly-Out-of-Character-Anime-Bishounen,' but that doesn't quite flow as well…"

"Not really."

"Anyway, if you won't surrender, I'm going to have to use my attack on you – so please don't since I haven't had a chance to use these nifty new powers yet!" She smiled cutely and made big shiny puppy eyes at him.

"Actually, I wasn't really planning on it anyway. You're evil if you live to torment anime bishounen, and I won't forgive it. I'll stop you with the power of Rekka!" Ryo finished his little speech in a passionate voice and with a cute, dramatic pose. Aqua applauded.

"Not bad! Now, since I'm the adorable little girl, I get to attack first, right?" she asked as she made even bigger puppy eyes in his direction.

"I don't think I have to do that. We never did for Kayura…"

"Well, tough. Shiny Pink Character Distortion!" Aqua shrieked at decibels high enough to make Ryo wince and cover his ears for the nth time that day, which rendered it impossible for him to mock the attack name (much as he wanted to). As she called the name she dropped to a sitting position, grabbed the laptop that had been knocked out of the way earlier, and began to type furiously.

A wave of nausea washed over Ryo. He bent over double in an attempt to avoid throwing up. Breathing heavily, he tried to ask her what she had just done. Unfortunately, he lacked the air to do so. Aqua typed more slowly, then stopped altogether. After a moment, Ryo cautiously straightened back up. 

"How do you feel?" the girl asked curiously.

Ryo looked unsure for a minute. He then grinned broadly and pushed his bangs out of his face. "Hey, I feel great! I just realized that nothing that's happened so far has been my fault! I'm not even worried about my friends because I know they can take care of themselves!"

Aqua sweatdropped. She had the distinct feeling that this was not what was supposed to happen.

"Actually, I don't really care if we defeat you guys either," Ryo continued, chattering on brightly. "I wanna go out to some wild party and then maybe try some petty shoplifting!"

Well, that sounded better…

"Wanna make out with me first?" Aqua asked, smiling as seductively as she could (not very) and twirling her long curl again.

Ryo looked pensive. "I'll have to think about it first. Wouldn't do to go rushing in without a plan, you know."

Aqua sighed and pulled up Free Cell as Ryo sat down to think.

**********************

Shu was getting distinctly bored. He'd been wandering for who-knew-how-long and had yet to catch sight of any deranged fanfiction writers. He had seen a small deer at one point, but it had just looked at him and run off. It was evil too, but that's another story altogether. Finally he stopped in annoyance. "IF YOU'RE OUT THERE, COME ON ALREADY!" he called loudly.

"You don't have to yell, you know," a feminine voice scolded. Shu whirled around to see the girl with dark blue hair and lavender armor sitting in a tree as if battle was the last thing on her mind. A laptop was on her lap, appropriately enough, and one foot dangled inches above Shu's head.

"Why do you all like to show up like that and try to make a fool out of me?" Shu complained as he entered a fighting stance.

"Because you make it too easy!" she grinned at him.

"Look, you've kept me walking all day and I'm ready for a decent fight! Now get down here so we can start!"

"You don't even know my name," she pouted.

Shu sweatdropped and considered that. "Well… what is it then?"

"I'm Bleumoon! I bear the Armor of the Infinitely Slow Updates!" she said proudly, clutching her laptop to her chest.

Shu blinked. "Ok-ay… well… even if you're a cute little girl, I'm going to have to defeat anyone who carries an evil yoroi of destruction. I, Kongo no Shu, will defeat you!"

"I'd like to see you try," Bleumoon challenged with a rather cliché phrase – excusable, as it _was_ her first day on the job. Shu obligingly began his transformation. "Glittering Laziness Writer's Block!" she called as Shu gathered his power to transform. She typed in one line on her laptop and a haze covered the field the two were standing in.

"What the…" Shu asked, surprised. He struggled to move, but his body was frozen in position. "What did you do!?"

Bleumoon smiled evilly. "I ended the chapter. You can't move until I update."

*******************************

Touma, meanwhile, had found Sakura sitting on a rock in the middle of nowhere. She was busily printing out some extremely large document from her laptop.

Touma sweatdropped but declined to ask. "Hey you! Are you ready to battle?"

Sakura looked up. "Oh, hiya!" she smiled. "Hold on, I'm charging up my armor."

Then again, maybe one quick question... "I thought you were printing something. How does _that_ charge up your yoroi?"

The printer made a funny beep and spit out the last page of the document on top of the rather large pile. Sakura disconnected the printer from the laptop and stood up. "I am Sakura, bearer of the Armor of the Epic-That-Needs-Beta-Read!"

Touma blinked. "Come again?"

"I'd explain it to you, but I reeeeeeeeeeeally need this proofread." She looked thoughtful, as though she were considering her options. She glanced at him and her eyes lit up. "Hey, _you_ could do it for me!" she exclaimed.

"Er, sorry. I'd rather get on with fighting you and finding my friends."

"But…but…" Sakura's eyes began to fill with tears. "If this isn't beta read then I can't post it! It would have all sorts of grammatical errors and really out-of-character Troopers and I really really need some comments on it and if you don't then I'll have to spend all DAY looking for someone who will and I don't want to fight knowing that this isn't finished and if you won't help me I'm going to cry really hard and get all sick and you'll feel really bad and–"

Touma weighed his options in his mind. Reading some excessively long fanfiction about one of the Troopers getting hooked up with the author was not something he was particularly interested in. Sakura's whining and crying, however, got louder each passing minute. 

"ALL RIGHT!" Touma cried in desperation. Shutting her up, he decided, was definitely in his best interest. "Will you be quiet if I do?"

"Hai!" Sakura smiled sunnily. She handed him a highlighter and a black pen as he sat down to look through the epic she had printed out. As he read, Sakura's smile became less sweet and more evil. _'One Trooper trapped in my 'Never-ending Story' attack!' _she thought gleefully. _'It's just too bad that I don't get to call out a nifty attack name, since that kinda spoils the surprise... Oh, well. I hope one of the others makes it here. This is fun!'_

***********************

Seiji was walking through a patch of trees, carefully avoiding sticks and leaves in an effort to find his target before she found him. He stopped suddenly upon hearing giggling noises coming from his right. He made a quick detour only to discover the bronze-armored girl, who was playing with her laptop and laughing diabolically. Giving up on the idea of a surprise attack, Seiji coughed politely in an attempt to get her attention. She laughed more, clicking on something. 

Seiji coughed again. "Pardon me…?"

She looked up, startled, then burst into hysterical laughter. Fuming, Seiji stalked over to where she was lying on the ground incapacitated and looked at the screen. A giant sweatdrop slid down the back of his head. A comic of Nasuti braiding Ryo's hair was pulled up on the screen – and in the lower half of the picture, himself with two braids poking out on either side of his head. He began twitching almost as much as the Seiji in the picture. 

The bronze-armored girl finally regained control of herself – at least, to the extent where she could stand up. "Okay…" she gasped, trying to stop laughing, "Okay. I'm Lady Sekmet of the–" She risked a glance at Seiji and cracked up again. Seiji, recovering his composure, gave a frustrated sigh.

"Might we begin this battle now?"

The girl tried desperately to stop laughing. "Okay, sure." She cleared her throat and made a melodramatic pose, forgetting her laughter in the moment. "I am Lady Sekmet with the Armor of Version Confusion!"

"Isn't that a bit close to Rajura's armor? Besides which, you seem to have adopted Naaza's American name as your own."

Lady Sekmet stuck out her tongue at him. "I like Sekhmet! The armor's short for "Confusion-between-the-American-and-Japanese-versions-as-well-as-between-canon-and-fandom."

Seiji's visible eye widened in horror. "You truly are a demon."

"Hey! I'm not a demon!" she sniffed, hurt. She stopped, thinking. "Well… maybe on the fandom part." She grinned mischievously. "But hey, what's wrong with Ronin Warriors?"

Seiji sighed and began counting off each point on his fingers. "To begin, we are not technically 'ronin.' The definition is 'masterless samurai,' and Kaosu could certainly qualify as our master. We even call him 'master' in the manga. Secondly, I do not, I reiterate, do _not_ flirt shamelessly. I am far too young to be thinking of such things. Thirdly–"

"Oh, shut up," Lady Sekmet snapped, irritated. "I know your kanji is Wisdom and all, but that doesn't mean you need to go on like that." She pouted at him. "You're supposed to be nice to cute girls!" She smiled innocently, fluffing her deep-green hair as she spoke.

Seiji blinked at her. "Touma possesses Intellect. I am the Samurai Trooper of Rei, or Courtesy."

"Don't be silly. Now put on Halo so we can have a proper battle!"

"I don't _have_ the Armor of Halo. This is a Samurai Troopers story. I wear Kourin no yoroi." Seiji pushed back his hair from where it had fallen in front of his eye. He was quickly losing patience, but he didn't think it would be quite right to battle her until she had her facts straight.

"Would you quit it! Or – hey!" Lady Sekmet stopped, her eyes opening wide as a thought struck her. "Are you using amnesia as a way to flirt with me?" she asked, accusation in her voice.

"I told you not two minutes ago that I am not of an age to be interested in girls!" Seiji shot back, rubbing his temples. He was developing a migraine.

"Don't try to fool me. I know how you are! You want to get in bed with any pretty girl you see!" Lady Sekmet sniffed disdainfully.

Seiji blushed an extremely interesting shade of red. "That is absurd!"

He turned his back to her, trying to calm himself down before attempting the situation again. Lady Sekmet snickered quietly and began typing into the laptop at her feet.

*************************

Shin had been walking an excessively long time without seeing anything especially interesting. '_I'm bored. Bored bored bored bored. I wish I could just find one of those girls and finish this battle. Hmm... assuming we get out of this alive, I wonder if we can go out to eat tonight? It'll be really late by the time we finish with Byakuen's appointment. I just hope nothing happens like last time. Shu just HAD to go to that new American-style seafood restaurant, of all places. The only thing there that wasn't seafood was the buffalo burger meal! THEN we find out that Touma's secretly a member of the Buffalo Preservation Society and I have to sit there and listen to him call me a murder or a poacher all night even though HE was eating that poor little swordfish! Buffalo aren't even endangered – how was I a poacher? Plus Seiji sitting there all smug with his freaking SUSHI and commenting on how the deep-frying process of American foods destroys most of the nutritional value. One of these days I'm going to smack him when he starts getting all self-righteous. Where on earth did he get sushi at an American restaurant, anyway? And the dessert! Ryo just HAD to have cherries jubilee even though last time he set Nasuti's hair on fire and she wouldn't speak to him for two weeks. I guess that was sort of my fault, though, since I startled him in the first place. It's not like I MEANT to dump the ice cream on him! It's just that the waiter went by pushing an aquarium of live lobsters so the murderers could choose their victims personally – I couldn't just sit back and watch it happen! It's not like we're allowed to go back there anyway. Next time we'd better go somewhere with decent food, or else–'_

His long, pointlessly rambling thoughts were cut off abruptly by shout of "Bishounen Glomp ATTACK!" and an impact from behind. Arms wrapped painfully tightly around his waist, and he looked behind him to see Venka firmly attached to his back.

"You're so cute!" she grinned. "I love my armor…"

"Ummm?" Shin asked, confusion evident in his tone.

The girl smiled up at him, her eyes barely visible through her heavy bangs. "I'm Venka, warrior with the Armor of Glomping!"

A sweatdrop appeared on the back of Shin's head. "Of _what?_"

"Glomping!" she chirped happily. "I'm just going to hold on to you forever and ever since you're so much cuter than any guy I've ever seen in real life!"

Shin continued to sweatdrop. '_Oh, dear. This could be a problem…'_ A sudden thought struck him, and it was his turn to grin evilly. Shin gently removed her arms from his waist and turned around to face her. "Glomping is fun, but there are other, more amusing ways to spend time, ne?"

He held her head up with one hand, cupping it around her chin so that she was looking straight at him. Eyes wide and shining with astonishment, she was silent as his other hand reached to caress her cheek.

"Now, isn't this more… interesting?" Her golden eyes widened even more. Shin gave her a charming grin. He ran his finger across her lip, then replaced the finger with his own lips. He kissed her gently, holding her close against him. Venka sighed happily and slumped forward in a dead faint, a silly grin on her face. Shin chuckled.

"That works every time," he snickered as he eased her to the ground. Casually thrusting his foot through Venka's laptop, he strolled off to find his friends.


	2. Kitto OK!

__

It's So All Right! 

Kitto OK!

After a few minutes of walking, Shin came across Shu, who was still being held in un-updated suspension. Bleumoon was lounging in her tree again, filing her nails out of sheer boredom. Shin grinned and waved at Shu. "Hey Shu, couldn't handle it alone?"

"Oh, shut _up_," Shu snarled.

"Yay! Someone else to play with!" Bleumoon squealed, dropping her file. "He got so BORING after a few minutes! You should really clean up his potty mouth."

Shin grinned more widely and looked at Shu. "She has a point. Maybe I should leave you with her for a few days to clear up that little problem?"

"SHIN!"

"Hai, hai. I'll save you," Shin sighed. "Why am I the only one who gets yelled at for having an attitude?"

Bleumoon jumped out of her tree. She picked up her laptop, but Shin raced forward and put a hand on her shoulder. Bleumoon looked up, curious. Shin proceeded to give her the same treatment Venka had received, with much the same effect. Shin walked over to her laptop, intending to smash it as he had the first.

Shu glared at him, looking mildly nauseated. "Why do you do that every time we have to fight teenage girls?"

Shin grinned. "You have to ask?"

Shu growled in annoyance. "Just hurry up."

Shin turned around and looked at his friend. "You know, you should be nicer to the guy who is in the process of saving you…"

"Shiiiiiiiiiiin!" Shu whined. "We have to finish this battle!"

"Well, I could always go save Touma first or something."

"Oh, come on! Just unfreeze me already! I'm all stiff from standing like this."

Shin gave an exasperated sigh but picked up the laptop. He began to type (starting a new chapter entitled "How the Great Mouri Shin Saved the Entire Universe Including His Ungrateful Friends Who Have No Appreciation for Marine Life"), and suddenly Shu found himself free to move again. "Hey, thanks man!" Shu grinned.

Shin smiled back, but his was much less pleasant. "I am tempted beyond words, you know." He indicated the computer, which was still in his hands. The unfinished chapter stretched out on the screen.

Shu backed away, holding his hands up in a peaceful gesture. "No! No nononononono, we have to go rescue the other guys now, right?" he sweatdropped.

Shin thought about it. "Well, I guess if you lost to a teenage girl, they probably did too."

Shu ignored the slam for now, although he promised himself that he'd make his friend pay dearly for it later. "Come on, they could be in a lot of trouble! I promise not to eat fish with the heads on anymore!" 

Shin sighed, then set down the laptop and smashed it. "I'm going to be really sorry I did that sometime," he commented regretfully as the pair walked off, leaving Bleumoon in a happy faint on the ground.

Shu grinned, relieved. "Yeah, you are."

"We're going to eat out tonight, but there is not going to be _any_ fish eaten, okay?"

"Aw, come on! We'll find a nicer restaurant this time!"

"The nice restaurants _are_ the ones that serve fish with the heads on!"

"So we'll find a cruddy place!"

Bickering, the two continued to search for their friends.

************************

Sakura looked up. Loud male voices could be heard coming from around a patch of trees. "Finally!" she sighed in relief, having been bored out of her mind watching Touma proofread – he hadn't looked up once.

Shin and Shu came into view. "Why can't we just eat at home if you're going to be so picky?" Shu snorted in annoyance.

"I have to cook every night! I deserve a break!"

"So make Ryo cook!"

"Going to the emergency room is not a break!"

"Hiya!" Sakura called out eagerly. The two stopped arguing long enough to look up. Seeing the perky girl before them, they fell into fighting stances.

"Oi, Touma!" Shin called. Touma turned a page and ignored him.

"Hey, Touma! What are ya doing?" Shu asked irritably.

"He's beta-reading my fic!" Sakura giggled.

"Uh, can't that wait a few minutes?" Shin sweatdropped.

Sakura shook her head. "It's _really_ important. My friend's gonna kill me if I don't get it posted. Hey!" Her eyes grew big and shiny. "You two could help me with some others!" She waved a hand behind her, indicating several towering stacks of papers. This time both Shin and Shu sweatdropped.

"I think it would be better if we just took Touma and left," Shin said nervously. "Maybe another time?"

Sakura's eyes began to fill with tears. "But… but…"

Shin grinned. "I'll make it up to you before we leave…" He started to walk over to Sakura, but Shu put a hand on his shoulder and held him back. Shin turned around, blinking innocently in that oh-so-cute way he had. Shu shook his head.

"Uh uh. My turn."

"What's your turn?" Sakura asked, sniffling back her tears until they could have full effect.

"I want to do it!" Shin whined.

"You did it last time!"

"Did what last time? Huh?" Sakura asked, tears forgotten as she danced around in curiosity.

"But I deserve to – I mean, I didn't take advantage of having that laptop!" Shin protested.

Shu snorted. "Only 'cause you know Ryo and Nasuti would both chew you out over it. There's no reason to show off!"

"I'm not showing off!"

"So whataya call it then?" 

"I wanna know what you both want to do!" Sakura whined loudly. She began jumping around them like a spoiled child, trying to get their attention.

"Saving you guys!"

"Hey, I had it perfectly under control!" Shu snarled.

Shin raised an eyebrow. "And being frozen in place is under control?"

"Tell me already!" Sakura huffed. She stomped away from the arguing Troopers. "_Men._" Unfortunately for her, she wasn't looking where she was going.

_*crunch*_

A disconcertingly loud noise filled the area. Shin and Shu looked over in her direction. Sakura looked to the sky for a moment, eyes squeezed tightly shut and wearing a most interesting expression, then looked down. Her armored foot was planted quite firmly in her laptop. She lifted it slowly. The computer crackled for a moment, then went dead. Sakura proceeded to say several choice words.

As the computer screen blacked out, Touma's head slumped forward. The papers in his lap scattered.

"Touma!" Shu and Shin both ran to their friend. Touma groaned and raised a hand to his temples.

"My head feels like it's going to explode…" he muttered.

"You OK?" Shu asked.

Touma glared at Sakura, who was currently blushing and rubbing the back of her head sheepishly. "You need to work on characterization and spelling. Plus your character is way too perfect. Someone that sickeningly sweet should be drawn and quartered by a dentist. Oh, and you're evil incarnate. Aside from that, I'm fine."

"I am not evil incarnate!" Sakura switched from embarrassment to fury in a split second. "I'm just playful!"

"_Playful_?" Shu asked incredulously. "I'd hate to see evil incarnate then!"

Sakura thought for a moment. "I think that's the guy who decides what isn't appropriate in dubs."

Shin shuddered. "Point. Well, what do we do with her now?"

Sakura sweatdropped and began to slowly edge away. "Well, since I kinda lost my laptop and all, I should probably get going. Maybe I'll go check on Venka or fix my fanfic or… something. Uh, thanks for proofing. Ja!" She took off as fast as she could. The three Troopers watched her leave.

"Do we go after her?" Shu asked. 

"Nah. We'll see her again. For now we should probably find Seiji and Ryo," Touma answered. The other two shrugged, and they walked off to find their friends.

Time passed quietly for a few yards.

"These segments all end the same way."

"You know, he has a point."

"Well, do you have a better idea?"

"We could play truth or dare."

Two of the bishounen blinked.

"It's probably just residue from the writer's influence."

"We'd better hope so."

**********************

The rather disturbed Troopers didn't take long to locate Seiji. Demonic female laughter was coming from a clearing up ahead. They began to move faster and soon saw Seiji, sitting with Lady Sekmet. She was kneeling on a large stone in an attempt to be taller than he, her hands in his hair as he sat on the ground in front of her. Lady Sekmet was trying to braid the sides to resemble the comic, but Seiji's hair was resisting any change. It seemed to have decided that if Seiji wasn't going to protect it, it was going to protect itself. Whenever Lady Sekmet braided it, it would hold for about three seconds before popping back to the same cheese-wedge shape as before. She didn't seem to mind, though, and continued trying over and over as she and Seiji laughed and chatted. Finally she got it to stay on both sides for a total of six seconds before it popped back into place. She shrieked with joy and grabbed him around the neck in an exceedingly painful-looking hug. He whispered something to her that made her shriek with laughter again. After a moment, when she had calmed down, he caught her lips with his.

Touma, Shu, and Shin made a heroic attempt to watch this scene without bursting into uncontrollable laughter.

It lasted all of three seconds.

Seiji and Lady Sekmet both looked up, startled, to see the three Troopers in hysterics. Touma was quite literally rolling on the ground in laughter, while Shin and Shu were doubled over, leaning against each other for support.

"Oh, MAN," Shu gasped. "Seiji, I didn't know ya had it in you!"

Seiji waved, apparently quite unperturbed by the guys' sudden appearance, though Lady Sekmet gave a little squeak and fell over, reaching for her computer.

"Hi, guys!" he called out, far more brightly than usual. "What's with the 'Sagey?' Call me Sage, would you?"

"Seij'?" Shu asked, confused and still laughing about the show they'd witnessed. "I tried to call you that once and you whacked me with the flat side of Kourin-ken." 

Seiji looked blank. "Kourin-ken?"

Touma, finally regaining some semblance of control, raised an eyebrow. "Your sword, remember?"

"Oh, okay. Don't use weird foreign words."

Shin blinked. "That must make things a little difficult if Japanese is 'weird foreign words,' seeing as you live in Japan and all."

Confusion was evident on Seiji's face for a moment, but he quickly shrugged it off. "I never really thought about it."

The three Troopers exchanged Looks. "Uh, Seiji, you feeling okay?" Shin asked, slightly worried. Infinitely amused, but slightly worried. Meanwhile, in the background, Lady Sekmet was quietly tapping away on her computer.

Touma's eyes unfocused, then focused again, although they came back with a slightly dreamy look. "Eh, he's fine." The words themselves seemed a little strange in context, but the voice…

This time only Shin and Shu were part of the Look. "Uh, Touma?" Shu ventured. "Why'd ya just use a New York accent?"

"Huh?" Touma blinked. "I'm just talkin' how I always do."

"Oh, _no_," Shin hissed in dawning realization. "Shu, they've been dubbed! Badly, no less!"

Shu hit his head in frustration. "So now what do we do?"

"Well, I think Ryo probably needs our help too…" Shin said thoughtfully. "I bet it's less scary over there."

Shu considered that. "Nah. We're here; might as well do somethin' about it. Hey, stop that!" His last comment was directed towards Lady Sekmet, who was still typing. She stuck out her tongue and continued with what she was doing.

"I said quit it!" Shu fumed.

"It's okay, mate," came a soft British voice from behind him. "Let her do what she wants. It's not like she's done anything bad yet."

"Wanna bet?" Shu groaned as he realized what happened. "I don't wanna deal with this…" He sat down heavily next to Lady Sekmet. 

"Aw, it's okay," Lady Sekmet said comfortingly. "I know Hardrock is a really strong armor; I bet you can beat me pretty easily if you try."

Shu blinked. "Kongo. Not Hardrock."

Lady Sekmet sighed, rolling her eyes. "You're as confused as they were." She indicated over to where "Rowen" was telling a sympathetic "Cye" about his horribly abusive childhood. "Sage" was meditating off to the side, absorbed in examining his friends' auras. "Rowen" flared neon pink for a moment, and something suspiciously like a snicker came from "Sage's" general vicinity.

Shu watched them for a moment. His eyes narrowed suddenly, but when he turned back to Lady Sekmet they were wide, innocent, and slightly confused. "Uh? Am I missing something?"

Lady Sekmet smirked to herself. Her tone was sweet and just-this-side of condescending as she said, "Yeah, but don't worry about it. I can set you straight if you want."

Shu smiled at her. "Nah, don't trouble yourself. I can look it up for myself on your computer. 'Sokay." 

"Um, I don't know about that. Even I know that's usually bad tactics," Lady Sekmet protested. She hugged the laptop possessively, frowning at him. Shu just stared at her with wide, innocent eyes.

"Well, I guess if you WANT to have to tell me all of it yourself, that's okay too."

Lady Sekmet sighed. This was going to take a while. "Okay, you remember that your armor is Hardrock, right?"

"Hard… rock… got it. Kinda stating the obvious."

"Well… yeah." Lady Sekmet thought about that for a minute, then shook it off. "Anyway, you haven't mixed up your friends' names, have you?"

"Ryo, Shin, Touma, Seiji, Nasuti, and Jun," Shu recited. "Jun only if the producers are reading this."

"At least you got the last part right," Lady Sekmet snickered. "But it's pronounced 'Rye-oh,' and the others are Cye, Rowen, Sage, Mia, and Yuli."

Shu dutifully repeated them. "And my yoroi is… um… Ironrock?"

She sighed. "Hardrock."

"Hardrock. And flame-boy's name is Pyro," Shu proclaimed, sounding pleased that he remembered.

"No, _Ryo_. You, know, I never noticed that rhymed before!" Lady Sekmet snickered. "Well, sorta, anyway. I wonder if that was on purpose... Okay, so do you remember any of that?"

Shu looked up from where he was playing with the little thingy on the heel of his subarmor. "Huh?"

Lady Sekmet began to twitch. "Go ahead and look it up yourself," she sighed. She handed the laptop over to Shu and buried her face in her hands, willing the migraine to go away. She looked up upon hearing the telltale smash of an armored fist going through a computer screen. As the laptop gave its dying beeps, Lady Sekmet stared at Shu. "Tell me you didn't just play a mind game with me. And win."

A snort came from behind them. They turned around to see the three no-longer-dubbed Troopers standing up and looking amused. "YOU won a mind game, Shu?" Touma asked, teasing disbelief through his voice.

"Hey!" Shu crossed his arms over his chest indignantly. "I'm not dumb!"

"Just not much of one for tatics…" Shin added. "I can't believe you outsmarted her."

Lady Sekmet sniffed pathetically. "Sure, rub it in. It's not like it was a REAL mind game. He just distracted me!"

Seiji was blinking rapidly, trying to process exactly what had just been happening. "Eh?" was pretty much the only thing that came to mind. It managed to grab his friends' attention, however.

"Hey, Seiji! You don't remember, do you?" Touma asked. Recent memories surfaced, and he choked back the laugh that automatically rose up.

"What… happened?" Seiji asked fuzzily. All he had at the moment were vague pictures that didn't really connect with anything in particular. At that comment, all three Troopers lost their already-precarious grip on their laughter.

"Man! You were… totally scorin'… with that chick!" Shu wheezed between fits of laughter. Seiji began to try to piece together the images in his head. Something about Kourin – no, Halo… something about trying to explain that… something about his being rather fond of girls, which had been new information to him…

At the look on Seiji's face as memory began flooding back, the Troopers started laughing harder, and even Lady Sekmet (who had been pouting) joined in. Seiji, on the other hand, stretched his hand out in front of him and materialized Kourin-ken.

"Not this again…" Touma sighed. Shu grabbed Seiji and pulled his arms behind him, Shin catching the heavy sword as it fell. Touma stood in front of the immobilized Seiji and scolded, "No! No seppuku!"

"But…" Seiji began to protest.

"No!" Touma repeated slowly and clearly, as if speaking to a small child or a pet. For emphasis, he rapped Seiji on the end of his nose. Seiji growled.

"This happens often?" Lady Sekmet, looking incredulous, asked Shin. He was leaning on Kourin-ken and looking bored. 

"Every few weeks or so," Shin sighed.

Lady Sekmet digested this. "So if he's so obsessed with honor, why'd he drive underage?"

Shin indicated the sword he was leaning on. "You want to be the one to point it out to–" he was cut off as the sword dematerialized from underneath him. Lady Sekmet turned around to see that Shu had let go of Seiji, who was now smirking rather evilly. Shin sighed from his position facedown on the ground. "Note that he also has good hearing."

Lady Sekmet sweatdropped. "Really?" She glanced at Seiji. "You know, I think I'm supposed to be elsewhere now." She grinned at them and promptly departed.

Silence.

"So… what do we do now?" Seiji asked, still slightly out of it. Being dubbed was hard on one, after all.

One Trooper opened his mouth, but before he said anything, a loud "NO" came from the other two. Seiji looked curious, but knew better than to ask.

They stood for a moment. 

"I don't wanna do the same thing again," Shu whined plaintively. 

"Neither do I," Shin agreed.

"But if we don't walk off, we can't save Ryo and finish this thing," Touma pointed out reasonably.

"Isn't there some way to get to him that doesn't involve walking away at the end of a scene?"

"Well… I guess we could skip away or something."

There was a collective sweatdrop.

**********************

Ryo still sat on the ground, deep in thought. Aqua sighed irritably. "Are you done deciding whether or not you can make out with me yet?"

"Nope. I need to weigh the consequences some more."

The girl groaned in frustration. A strange noise distracted her, however, and she glanced around, trying to locate the origin of it.

__

*clank clank clank*

"Do you hear that?" she asked Ryo, but he simply ignored her.

__

*clank clank clank*

"What is it?" Aqua muttered irritably. The source of the noise came into sight, and her muttering changed to silent twitching as four subarmored Troopers skipped into sight. Well, technically, only three were truly skipping. Seiji was being dragged along by the wrists and looked none too happy with it. 

"Uhhhh…" Aqua started, eyebrow still twitching.

"Don't ask," Touma cut her off as they came to a stop by their leader.

"Ryo!" Shin called out happily. Ryo continued to ignore everyone.

"Oi, what's he doing? He doesn't _look_ hurt or anything." Shu looked him over critically.

"He's _thinking_," Aqua growled, exasperated. This was _not_ how she'd envisioned being animated. She was hot, bored, cranky, and ready to take her frustrations out on the four boys in front of her.

"Thinking?" Touma echoed. 

"That's rather unusual," Seiji commented.

"Yes, he was the one that insisted our plan against Arago be 'beat up a lot of bad guys until we find Arago, then beat him up,'" Shin added thoughtfully.

"Hey, what was wrong with that plan?" Shu defended.

"If you have to ask, then it probably would work fine for you. Dumb luck is in your favor," Touma smirked.

"Hey, who's dumb? I beat Lady Sekmet all by myself!"

Shin opened his mouth, then shut it again as Shu glared at him. He sighed and plopped to the ground. "So what did you do to Ryo?"

Aqua shrugged. "Made him out of character, what else?"

Again, there was a collective sweatdrop. "How is that any different from the usual fanfic?" Touma asked the others in a stage whisper. Aqua stuck out her tongue and pulled down her lower eyelid in the traditional rude gesture of anime. 

"Temper, temper…" Shin chastised. Aqua turned to him and repeated the gesture, this time with accompanying rude hand movements.

Ryo looked up crossly from his position on the ground. "Would all of you be quiet already? I'm trying to get my priorities in order!"

The Troopers all blinked at him, then turned to Aqua, who was still fuming. "I don't know, I rather like him better this way," Touma commented mildly.

"Mmm," Seiji agreed, nodding.

"Aww, come on," Shu griped. "We haven't gotten a decent fight scene _once_ yet! I for one would like to get past the 'deal with the five MaSho that we're not allowed to actively beat up' stage!"

"If you insist," Seiji sighed. He walked over to Ryo, grabbing his shoulder to get his attention. Ryo looked up, ready to yell at Seiji for distracting him again. Seiji cut him off before he could begin, however. He said in a low voice, "It would be in all of our best interests if you would consider defeating the–" he coughed– "'MaSho' now rather than going through horrendous mental angst and suffering only to defeat her later once you overcome even more insurmountable odds."

Ryo blinked as he processed this. "All right." He got up, walked over to Aqua, took her laptop, and calmly smashed it to pieces. Seiji watched with a slightly cynical look on his face while the other three just blinked.

"…What just happened?" Shu asked.

Seiji sighed. "I offered him good advice. Because he was out of character, he not only listened to what I had to say, but followed my plan and therefore defeated our enemy without even needing his full yoroi."

"Ahhh…" the others all nodded. Aqua meanwhile was perhaps a bit irritated.

"You jerks!" she screeched. "I've been out here for two hours watching this idiot _think,_ and now you're just going to frolic off and beat the enemy without even giving me a chance to beat you up or make out or _something_?" Her voice continued to rise in pitch sharply as she ranted. The Troopers winced and held a quick conference that ended with them pushing Touma forward to "do something about it."

"Fine," Touma sighed. He fished around in his Anime Black Hole and came up with a bright, shiny box. He waved it in front of the girl, though she refused to look at either him or the box. "Come on, I've got Pooooooooooooocky…" he crooned.

Aqua's head shot up, eyes wide. "POCKYpockypockypockypocky" *gasp* "pockypockyIloveyouToumapockypocky!!!" She bounced up, grabbed the snack food, and began the lengthy process of getting the box open. The other Troopers looked at Touma with respect bordering on reverence.

"What?" Touma shrugged. "You get enough fangirls, you learn about their other obsessions. Especially food-related ones."

"Tell me how you did that," Shu pleaded as he smashed the laptop. Shin coughed discreetly and gave Touma a warning glance. The blue-haired fangirl-magnet sweatdropped, noticed, and began to calculate exactly how much water everyone had lost from sweatdropping so far that day as the others gathered around Ryo, asking if he was okay. After minimal whining about it being his fault (which was what really assured the others that he was back to himself), the five Troopers stood together once more. Well… four Troopers stood together. The fifth was using a calculator that he had fished out of his Anime Black Hole, still wondering about the total water loss from sweatdropping. The others stood in battle position, ready for the inevitable attack.

They waited.

An exceptionally long time.

Aqua whimpered softly as the box refused to rip, then began trying to poke a hole in it with the edges of her yoroi.

The Troopers still waited.

Ryo coughed, hoping to alert whoever missed their cue.

The opposition persisted in their absence.

Some time later, the stiff and aching warriors finally stepped out of battle position. Touma meanwhile, was hitting a few keys and sweatdropping again. "Guys, I think we should go drink a glass of water… or a gallon…" He was interrupted by the sudden appearance of the missing four sort-of MaSho (two of whom blushed and giggled upon seeing Shin) and another teenage girl who had not been seen before. At least, not by the Troopers. The readers read about her a good twenty pages ago in the beginning of the first part as the girl who summoned Sakura. But I digress.

Aqua waved happily, holding the shredded box out invitingly. "Pocky?"

The semi-MaSho all squealed and flocked over to the box, each grabbing a bag from within. If this disturbed the other girl, she showed no sign of it. Rather, she grinned at the startled Troopers and flipped her luxurious, shining hair. She laughed softly at their dumbstruck expressions.

For their part, the teenage boys couldn't tear their eyes off of the gorgeous girl in front of them. Her soft, deep-violet hair fluttered dramatically in the sudden breeze. Her crystalline eyes sparkled with joy and love of life, though the Troopers all instinctively knew that she had a past so steeped in misery and torment that any lesser person would have killed herself years ago. Her perfect figure was evident through the form-fitting subarmor that she wore, and they could feel the raw power – infinitely stronger than that of Kikoutei – radiating from her.

"Who… who are you?" Ryo gulped, hardly daring to speak to the perfect creature in front of him.

She laughed again, turning her flawless face towards him. "My name is Mary Sue of the Pink Sugar Heart Attack no yoroi," she purred in such a lovely, seductive voice that all the Troopers immediately wished that this fic was rated R. They could have handled R quite happily. In fact, some of them skipped right over R and began to consider NC-17. (Seriously though, is there a single person who hasn't seen that coming since the first paragraph? Didn't think so. ^_^ )

Seiji blinked very slowly, one thought managing to surface in his clouded mind. _Not again…_ "Be careful!" he called out, forcing the words with difficulty. Why did they need to beware of someone named Mary Sue again? There was some reason… Whatever it was, the thought slipped his mind completely as he watched Touma step shyly up to the goddess in front of them and begin to talk to her. Feeling mildly jealous, Seiji decided that he could do that too. He also began to talk to Mary Sue, stumbling over the words as she watched them both adoringly. Shin was the next to lose himself in Mary Sue's spell, followed by Ryo and soon after, Shu.

The writers-turned-MaSho happily ate their Pocky.

******************************

As always, the Pocky eventually ran out. Coming out of the Japanese snack food-induced haze, the five noticed the Troopers surrounding their boss, falling all over her as she talked with them. 

"Hey, weren't we supposed to get our choice of Troopers after agreeing to help her?" Venka asked, pouting.

"Yeah! She's got _my_ Shin and he's _drooling_ over her!" Lady Sekmet hissed furiously.

"So what do we do now?" Sakura asked. She waved a hand at the oblivious Troopers. "We're not only not getting any attention, we're not even tormenting anyone!"

Aqua sighed, fidgeting with the empty bag. "We go on and visit Vash?"

"Works for me," Bleumoon agreed.

"Doesn't work," Lady Sekmet corrected. "All our laptops broke." Fortunately for Sakura, the others didn't notice her brilliant blush at that comment.

"This is _so_ not groovy," Aqua sighed, using her favorite adjective since she couldn't conceivably be in a story without saying it at least once.

"Really!" Venka added merely because she hadn't said anything for a while and was getting bored. All was quiet for a few minutes as they watched Mary Sue flirt wildly with the Troopers, all of whom had completely fallen under her power. After all, no canon character in the history of fanfiction has been able to stand up to a Mary Sue for more than a few chapters. Bishounen such as the Troopers usually go down in a matter of paragraphs.

"Gah, this is depressing," Sakura muttered. "We can't even do anything to her since she gave us the yoroi in the first place."

"I really hate her," Bleumoon griped.

"There has to be _something_ we can do…" Aqua whined. She lay down and stretched her arms out over her head- and felt her fingers brush against metal. Glancing up in surprise, she noticed a shiny new computer – so new, in fact, that the printer was still in its box waiting to be connected. "Well. That was convenient."

"Yeah!" grinned Lady Sekmet. "Well, actually I think she's just not paying attention and losing her control over the surroundings –" she indicated to where what was once a field was now back to the shimmering darkness – "but it's still pretty cool."

The quasi-MaSho gathered around the computer – which, they noticed, was not a laptop and was much faster and shinier than theirs ("She's cheap, too," Venka muttered grumpily) – and quickly pulled up Word.

"Okay, what do you want to do first?" Sakura giggled. "For that matter, what _can_ we do?"

"Let's try it out!" Bleumoon grabbed the keyboard and began typing. Immediately the surroundings changed to Nasuti's house. The Troopers and Mary Sue, engaged in deep conversation about Mary Sue's long, tragic past that scarred her for life and turned her into an angsty yet lovable heroine, failed to notice.

"You're so boring," scoffed Venka. She took the keyboard and began to type rapidly. The scenery abruptly changed to a Notre Dame-esque cathedral, complete with menacing gargoyles.

Sakura eyed it critically. "Not bad… but I think we need a little bit more atmosphere." She took over and suddenly they were standing in front of an ominous-looking house that quite frankly reeked with evil. The other four stared at her. Sakura shrugged apologetically. "My English class is reading 'Haunting of Hill House.'"

Aqua wrinkled her nose. "Gimme that. I hate that book." She typed, and the surroundings changed back to the way they had originally been, a sunny field. "We're supposed to be getting rid of Mary Sue, remember?"

"Oh, yeah. That. So how do we do it?" Venka wondered.

Lady Sekmet thought hard for a moment. "Let's just kill her off and be done with it." She took the keyboard for herself and began to write.

Bleumoon made a dismissive gesture. "The fic will end with one of the guys cuddling her still-warm body as her departing spirit declares her devotion even after death."

Aqua shrugged. "So we make it disgustingly gory." She roughly snatched the keyboard and began to input some…ah… lovely details.

Bleumoon shook her head. "Then there will be general mourning for the wonderful, perfect creature who so valiantly gave her life for theirs."

Venka grinned and snagged the keyboard. "So we make her turn traitor first."

Bleumoon sighed. "They'll figure she had some complex plan that was really going to help them in the end, and she'll make it look like she died for them."

Aqua whacked her with the keyboard. "Then _you_ fix it!"

Bleumoon stuck out her tongue. "Fine, I will!" She nearly yanked the keyboard (which was no longer quite so shiny; the poor thing was having a rather unpleasant day) out of the computer as she grabbed it and began typing. The other girls began reading over her shoulder, occasionally making a comment, hitting a few keys themselves, or changing the mp3 – of course, currently on "It's So All Right!" They were ignoring the little messages of protest the computer would occasionally spit out, unhappy with the amount of modifying going on.

While all this was taking place, some very interesting things were happening where Mary Sue was currently making out with Touma. The others were fighting with some minor demon that had popped up with Hill House and had refused to go away. Rather unfortunately for Touma, the first of the semi-MaSho's attempts to rid themselves of Mary Sue went into effect while they were – ah – occupied. True to form, he caught her body as it fell and began sobbing bitterly over it, clutching her still form to his chest. The demon was distracted by the noise and consequently run through by Kourin-ken. The other Troopers glanced back to see what had startled the demon and were distraught to see Mary Sue's limp corpse. They gathered around Touma, who was still holding the body, and began to tear up. If any of the writers had been watching, she would have promptly retched. The next scene wouldn't have helped much either, as Mary Sue's body suddenly exploded in a mass of gore. Since I don't especially like describing that sort of thing in detail, we'll just leave it up to your _vivid_ imaginations. Besides, it went away a moment later when the computer read the next instruction – Mary Sue was suddenly quite alive and grinning evilly at the bewildered Troopers. She was holding a sword on poor Touma, who by now had given up any attempt to follow the events of the day.

This proved to be very wise, since Mary Sue rather suddenly turned into a sperm whale a few moments later.

The four MaSho snickered from their vantage point around the computer. "Now turn her into a confused Pixie stick!" Aqua giggled. She took the keyboard again and proceeded to make it happen.

"I don't think we really need to specify that she be confused, considering…" Bleumoon murmured.

"Make her a cow! Make her a cow!" Lady Sekmet shrieked as she grabbed it and typed it herself.

Sakura looked up at them from her current position of collapsed in hysterical laughter on the ground. "You know –" she gasped – "this isn't really solving our problem."

"We have a problem?" Aqua asked, very nearly hysterical herself.

"Well, not a problem _yet_, as such," Sakura conceded. She gestured over to where an extremely furious cow, who had by now figured out what was going on, was charging them and mooing angrily. "However, I'd guess that we will in about a minute and fourteen seconds."

"How… d'ya want… to handle it… this time?" Venka asked, pausing every few words to take a breath in a futile attempt to control her laughter.

"We could use the Force to make a shield!" Bleumoon squealed eagerly, beginning to type it in.

"No, no, let's Duct tape her!" Lady Sekmet suddenly snickered. She grabbed the keyboard away from Bleumoon. The computer made a loud beep of protest, which the girls ignored.

"Or we could make her listen to _really_ bad pop music," Aqua grinned. She stole the keyboard just as Lady Sekmet had.

"Or we could make her star in a fic _we_ get to write!" Venka's laugh bordered on diabolical. As she too wrenched the keyboard out of the current owner's unwilling hands, the computer decided that it had finally had enough. A loud "pop" and some smoke trailing from the computer were the none-too-observant MaSho's first clues that something was not quite right. They blinked.

"… or we could just overload the server," Sakura commented lamely as the smoke began to thicken.

A sudden scream distracted them from the dying computer. Mary Sue, back to her original form, was staring at her hands as they became transparent. "Looks like we corrupted the file she was saved on," Venka sweatdropped. They watched as she gave them one more murderous glare before fading into nothingness.

Aqua cackled unnervingly. "I can't tell you how good watching that felt."

Bleumoon poked her nervously. "Ummm…" Aqua and the others looked over at her in time to see the computer flash the blue screen o' death.

"Oh, yeah!" Sakura chirped, far too perkily. "Solving a problem with another problem is a _bad_ thing, isn't it?"

"Uh, yeah," Aqua sweatdropped. She looked down at herself as the yoroi began to glow. "Is this supposed to happen?"

"Theoretically, erasing Mary Sue probably erased us too," Venka sighed.

"Erm. That's, um, not good," Lady Sekmet sweatdropped. "Do we have enough time for me to go glomp Shin first?" She received her answer when each reverted back to the glowing ball of energy they had been transferred as. They hovered over the Troopers for a minute before disappearing. The area around them shimmered as the last scraps of computer data were destroyed.

**********************

Sakura stirred and opened her eyes. She was lying on her bed in the darkness, face pressed against the pillow. She yawned, blinking as she tried to process everything. "Was it a dream?" she wondered out loud, pushing the no-longer-pink hair from her eyes. "It better not be. That would be _so_ cliché I'd have to be embarrassed about it." She moved over to the computer and pulled up the member list on a couple of her Yahoo clubs. "Hmmm…" she blinked as a Lady Sekmet and a Bleumoon appeared. She also seemed to remember a girl named Venka posting… Sakura stared at the computer for a long moment before shrugging and sending each of them a carefully worded message.

That finished, she stretched and began shutting down the computer. She stopped suddenly as the printed copy of her fanfic caught her eye. "Oh yeah…" She picked up a few pages and scanned them quickly. "What a ripoff. I thought these things were supposed to end with all my work miraculously finished for me. Anyway, what does he mean my character's a Mary Sue?" she snorted. 

Canceling the shutdown, she sighed heavily and began working on the abandoned chapter. After a minute, she noticed that her character had begun to launch into a sweet pep talk. Sakura smirked as the girl in the story suddenly threw a temper tantrum instead.

*********************

The Troopers blinked, beginning to come out of the Mary Sue haze. They blinked again upon realizing that not only was no one there to fight with, the city was back in sight for the first time since they left it. A slightly burnt-looking computer rested to the side, but they were ignoring it as much as possible.

A long silence ensued.

"Was there a point to any of this?" was Touma's eventual question.

"Maybe at one time," Shin sighed.

"Did we miss the fight scene?" Shu groaned aloud. "We wasted all that time for nothing!"

"Are they really gone?" Touma asked, glancing around. The smoking remains of the computer chose that moment to burst into flame. They sweatdropped. 

"Let's assume that's a yes and go get something to eat," Shin sighed.

"I think we should really get some water soon," Touma said nervously, trying to make the sweatdrop go away.

Ryo was staring at the sun, a thoughtful expression on his face. "Anyone got a watch?"

Seiji did. "The current time is 7:30 PM."

Ryo said something rather nasty under his breath and hit the ground with his fist. At the others' inquiring looks, he growled, "We missed Byakuen's appointment. If Nasuti didn't get him there, we're gonna have to do this _again_ next week!"

A collective groan rose from the tired group.

******************************

Meanwhile, from the top of a building, a girl and a tiger stood silhouetted against the setting sun. Nasuti stroked the tiger with one hand as she whispered, "Remember our deal, Byakuen. I say I didn't find you in time for your appointment; you don't tell them who got bored and dyed their laundry pink."

The tiger growled assent.

__

~Owari

"Woo… funky trip!"

~ Troopers, Jun, and Nasuti – "Midnight Party"


End file.
